This girl is more easily done than said...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
