i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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