but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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