Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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