Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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