Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize