i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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