conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
