You're so nebulous sometimes
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
