Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
