Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
