Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
