just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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