trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
