I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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