You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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