At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sorry about my life...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
