I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Life is so much better after having sex.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
