I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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