wanna go halves on a baby?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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