i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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