you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
