By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
