I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
