North Korea, Best Korea!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
