Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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