The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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