'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
