Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
