Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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