I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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