doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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