Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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