so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
