How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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