i barfeds in our rink
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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