I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
