flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
