I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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