Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
