Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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