UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my being single is dangerous.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
