Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
