You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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