i was born a porn star she said
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
