if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
