he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
