i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
