yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
