also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
