You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
