He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
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