you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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