Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
