Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
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