goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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