Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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