I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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