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You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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