How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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