Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
