It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
