I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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