Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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