I have demons in me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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