Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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