Me. At least after what I've been through.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
