So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize