So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
