Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
