their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
