you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize