i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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