I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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