Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
