After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
