Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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