I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
